Fuck

So I just started listening to this band Neva Dinova, the singer has such a beautiful voice.
My mood as of late is really weird, I feel really connected with it, you know when you become really close friends with your mood. I think you become closer with your mood when it starts to confuse you. Or when it's torturing you.
In my case there's less torture and more confusion. I think I'm just shut off, school is really taking a toll on me.

I just feel completely wiped.
I've noticed that in all my blogs I give a mood update. It's kind of like a mood calendar, I think I will continue to do it.

I am almost finished with the Great Gatsby, what an amazing experience. I think I'm in love with Gatsby. I love tortured souls, and that's exactly what he is. I'm obviously not one hundred percent serious, he's a fictional character.
I don't really know why I'm blogging right now, it's just making me more aware of the fact that school is tomorrow.

You could say that this month and last month were some of the weirdest, most stressful, most painful months of my life.

On a positive note, the weather has been really gorgeous and I have even got some swimming in! My eyes feel like lead at the moment, just kind of drooping. My arms and jello, flailing and stabbing at these keys as if they matter, as if this blog matters. Why do I think this blog matters, is it really for me, or am I just selfishly waiting for comments? I think it's a little bit of both.

I just need something or someone to be filling up my ego at all times, I think I need to be shot down, I'm really not that great, I suck. Whenever someone tells me how nice I am, I die a little inside because secretly I'm not that nice. I really try hard and I do find the positive in a lot of people but there are the people out there that I hate for no reason other than maybe their voice is annoying or they just rub me the wrong way.
Someone please, put me down or spit on me, I need it. I need a taste of reality, all your compliments are nice but I need to be hit with a brick. I'm no Satan but I am certainly not Jesus.

This was a dangerous mood to blog in, I'm going to regret posting this tomorrow.