It's weird to almost be done with my first year of college. I feel like it's all been a blur, I have grown an exponential amount and met so many wonderful people.

I thought I was going to have a lot to write about but all of my thoughts are so overwhelming. I literally went onto blogger and realized how lame my life was and probably still kind of is. People always seem so impressed or think it's so strange that I attend an art college, I don't see why. I feel like if anything I'm just stuffed into this place with all of these people trying so hard to be different when in fact we are all exactly the same.
We're all people, we crave attention and love, we emote and keep things to ourselves and yet everyone tries so hard to be an individual. It's kind of cynical of me to be writing about this but human beings are just such an interesting concept to me. I did this piece made of cardboard and wax; when I was creating it my intention was to make a commentary on the fact that when someone expresses feelings towards you, not just love and real feeling, they open up and become that much more real. What I ended up figuring out though is that this realness is merely uniformity.

Don't get me wrong, I love it here. I don't much mind being just like everyone else it's almost reassuring.

this year has been so crazy, for the most part I would consider myself happy. I say for the most part because lately I have entered some sort of weird slump. It may be the mixture of finals and sleepless nights and the fact that I'm leaving but I know there is something else.
I have such a problem with falling in love with everyone that I find interesting or good looking and then not acting upon it at all. A friend told me to do one thing everyday that scares me. For some reason walking up to a person who as I stated before is almost exactly the same as me and even mentioning that I find them interesting scares the shit out of me. It's like my entire life I have just skipped over that process.

It's so much easier to just not care about someone and pretend that you do. I just got into this thing with this boy who I have no intention of dating. I ended it. I feel like this might just be life until I can just get over my fear of actually confronting people.

By the end of the year I am going to talk to or flirt or even go as far as to confess my feelings to one person that I am interested in. Maybe finals week is the perfect time, I'll go completely insane and have no filter.

I think I'm interested in another straight boy.

For the most part though I am extremely satisfied with life. I got an apartment for next year!! I'm living with three wonderful girls who I am so excited to spend every waking moment with. I'm also doing well in school. It's weird; my classes are five hours and some of my teachers are so insane and I wouldn't change it for the world. I also declared my major: Illustration.
People keep stressing me out about it though. They tell me "say goodbye to sleep and a social life.: I don't know though I'm sure I'll be fine...

I remember this time last year, I just got accepted into college. I was so much less mature than I am now. The first day I got to MassArt I smoked weed with my room-mate, I remember lying in bed freaking out about why I am even here and if I am ready to live away from home. Now I'm already planning this summer to be my last summer at home.

I'm glad I remembered I have this, it's nice to vent and know that no one will read this.