So this weekend was really good. I camped in Melina's back yard with a bunch of people I love and went to a drum circle in Grafton. And now I'm sitting here vaguely sick watching the VMA's. Lady Gaga is taking over.
I miss my dad a whole lot, he's in Finland right now. He goes away a bunch on business to Europe which is weird and new to me.
I want to get senior year over with, this is ridiculous. I can't handle another year at Wachusett.
But not really, I am looking foreward to enjoying my last year of high school. I love a lot of the teachers there and I feel like they respect me too. Senior year is so different. I can't even remember freshman year... Yes I can.
What a weird year, I came out of the closet that year!
As of late I've wanted to be alone, not because I'm sad or because I don't love my friends; I think I just want to figure out who I am. Get to know myself better.
When I was dancing in the drum circle last night I realized how much I want to break away and become something so small, like a single drum beat.
I want to dance on broken glass.
I also want to be submerged in freezing cold water right now.
My face is really cold, but only my chin. Just in case anyone wanted to know.
Lately I've felt really un sexual. I'm perfectly content being single. I'm sure eventually that might change.
Whenever I drive I think about how much I trust other drivers and how much they trust me. I think about how if I wanted to I could just swerve off my side right into the front of them and how they could do the same. What if someone snaps and crushes the front of my car.
I guess I'd probably die right?
It's kind of morbid but it's what I think about.
I get really stressed out when I drive. Things have been stressing me out lately. Dumb things that aren't even important.
Anyways, that's all I have to say today. Mood status; tired and anxious, but happy.
unitarian drum circles <3
ReplyDeletei was filled with the spirit